Wash me away

Miserable is the only word I can muster up at this ripe time of 2:15 am.

I started a liver cleanse a couple of days ago, as suggested by my naturopath; not because I am a heavy drinker but just because “its good to flush the toxins out once in awhile.”  Well I’m bitter because this drink tastes like shit.  Pardon the french, but its ass-in-a-glass; or rather an exotic blend of herbs that I cannot begin to pronounce or spell for that matter.  This hefty bottle thankfully for me holds 6 weeks worth of gag-shots all for the stellar price of $100.  So essentially, I am required to down three teaspoons per day .. not much right? i know, but this is truly the grossest thing that I have ever tasted.  I’ve tried to down the spoonful, suck it back with a straw and mix it with organic juice in a shot glass but all attempts have resulted in a relentless gag-fest.  The diet that goes along with this cocktail is quite dramatic for my taste … get this: no wheat, no dairy, no eggs, no bananas, no tomatoes, no red meat and no coffee/pop/alcohol .. OH and no sugar.  This is even more ridiculous as I read this.  I’m hoping that this will be the start I need to get negativity out of me, literally, from the inside out.  I’ll let you know how she goes.

On a more serious note, I continue to bear this sadness in my heart.  My uncle is dying of cancer.  Its progressing at a rapid pace and to see this happen before my eyes has impacted me in a way that I don’t know if I ever can recover from.  Right now as I type this, he lies in a hospital bed with tubes in his nose to control the bleeding on a wait list to be sent to our greatest cancer treatment centre.  There he will take a test that will pretty much determine whether treatment is even an option at this point.  My family is very close and this heartache is mutually felt by all.  There is not a moment that I dont think of him.  The most random of things will remind me of him, his mannerisms, his jollyness and his laugh … a laugh that can be heard from across the universe and then I picture him with this illness and how it has eaten away his spirit and more so, his body.  I cry.  I cry not only because I cannot imagine life without him, but because I still cannot believe that it is happening.  I pray that he finds peace … peace of mind, strength of spirit and a free heart.  Miracles happen, I truly believe that and right about now I am praying for one.

This is about all I can manage for today.

I’d love to take something to help me fall asleep, but that would defeat the purpose of this yummy cleanse.

Here’s to hoping that you’re sleeping and that I will be joining you soon.

g’nite

The end of me …

or so that is the way I felt all day.

From the time I woke up this morning, I’ve been hit with this tingling sensation in my head.

I’ve been feeling quite dizzy and faintish, with an overall numbing in my entire body. (worth mentioning: be careful of what you wish for … i wanted numbing, but this is not what I had in mind)

Freaked out, yes I was am.

My first instict was to sugar surge in the event that it was low blood sugar, but much to my dismay that didn’t work.

In another attempt to self medicate, I threw back a handful of salted pretzels (my neighbour thought it could be low blood pressure).  I was feeling pretty confident about this one since I occasionally have the tendency to have low blood pressure, but still nothing.

So now I feel dizzy, numb still AND sick (from my various attempts) on top of it all.

Could it be stress? or am I dying?

Dramatic? yes perhaps but its scaring the F*&$ out of me.

I popped two Advils for good measure.

I’m still not sleepy.

Huh! …. as I glance over with dazy eyes to look at the neon green on my alarm clock, I realize that its that time again.

How strange.