Its 1am and although I am fully aware that I have not blogged for some time, I am beyond exhausted.
So save me from the shouted blog rules, will ya? … just for another day
I will say though that I just got home from the art exhibit of the beautifully talented Raymi at The Central and hope to post pics tomorrow.
I have had anxiety all night and now i’m spent
g’night ya’ll
The clock just ticked to 1:56 AM and this is the fourth night of next-to-nothing sleep. Maybe its the late night coffees or just maybe I’m on thinker overdrive.
Today I did sweet-fanny-atom! As you can clearly read I’m lacking in the motivation department.
Its been a week since I’ve been at the gym and I’ve been eating house with several cups of coffee consumed per day. This can’t be good! My blase (yes relax … insert the aigu on the e … and insert middle finger while you’re at it! I cant figure it out alright!) mood is really played out already. Its one of those things that you know you should change because you’re only going to keep bitching about it, but yet you are too flippin lazy to do anything about it.
So as promised I have included for you kiddies some photographs of my escapades and moods these past two weekends all of which included lunches, wine, dinners, wine, parties, baking, beach, sulking and feeling sorry for myself … oh and wine.
My new fave colour combo
I thought shopping would help the mood … the high was very temporary. I was indecisive about the dress, but snagged the belt at a ridiculous good price.
Bad mood a la goth.
This was Time Wasting 101 at its finest. I was bored and the gang was taking forever to get primped and dolled. We had dinner this night at Yonge & Egg.
Can you see the self hate in my face? Theres more of this below.
A failed attempt at trying to love me.
You know the whole saying about loving yourself first … horseradish, its blasphemous. Even in my self loathing, there’s one person that I love more than the air that I breathe and that’s lil’ miss C. Its not to say that I don’t recognize the need to love me, I just don’t think that I am ready for that kind of lovin.
Here are some random pics taken on the way to dinner.
Check out the mass of garbage that Toronto can produce in one sitting. Impressed or what?
wtf? uh... heard of recycle much?
cupcake mobile
And how ingenious is this? Selling the bastard’s clothes! brilliant.
The next day I went shopping again and found this gem. I want the orange one for my pad.
One of my fave bloggers (www.raymitheminx.com) is going to rip into me for the hair, but I was way too LAZY to pimp it. Loved this tank paired with the varsity cardi but couldn’t justify the dollar. I will most probably change my mind and go back for them cuz that’s how I roll (usually).
We had lunch at Jack Astors and I, of course, caved and had the chicken fajitas and a pomegranite margarita slushy thingy… it was aiight.
This past Sunday I decided to get away and take the long awaited trip North to Tiny. This is the view from my folks’ cottage.
Le Beach
These two occupied prime sand castle building real estate. Totally must have sucked back way too much vino cuz they were in this position for the entire three hours that we were there … ah, sweet drunk love.
All hope was not lost … we found another spot
Cast aways … well not really, its my brother and his girlfriend.
Token party shot from Anna’s dirty 30 at Ultra.
We were on the patio all night … gotta love the humid hair, hence the quick fix sorta up do.
Oh and straight from the desk of the insomniac cupcake whore …
Lest us not forget the two dozen cupcakes that I was commissioned to make for a bachelorette party.
corset cake
So there you have it. Probably the longest post you’ll ever see here.
A rambling of thoughts as you can plainly see which are perfectly in sync with my mood and thought patterns over the last two weeks. With everything that’s been happening, it all feels like kind of a blur. Going through the motions, but not really being present in mind.
This is all starting to frighten me as I feel myself slipping into that place that I so easily go to. I wake up each day hoping that somehow this time will be different. That just maybe I will realize in time to do something before it spirals. We’ll soon see I guess.
Goodbye blue monday … until tomorrow.
So I have had a couple of days to digest all of this.
And its been one of the toughest things that I have had to do. I have been confronting deep routed feelings that don’t often become the subject of my thought. Needless to say I have not handled this well. I have eaten like a glutton to the point of nausea, I have drank like a drunkard to the point of oblivion and I have smoked like the biggest stoner known to man. Throw in some crying fits and enough java to keep you awake for eternity… you know, just for good measure. That has been my preferred cocktail for these past couple of days.
I dont know how, but somehow, I need to find some optimism because that is what they need from me.
We dont know how long, but what we do know is that while we’re here together, we better make the fuckin’ best of it.
A very beautiful and caring blogger said to me yesterday, “we’re all going there” and that rang loudest to me.
So today I choose to “dance like no one is watching,” I choose to “sing like no one can hear me” … Today I choose to fuckin’ live because I will never know when God chooses to snatch my punk ass!
Cheers to all you amazing people!
Hangover Face!
Okay, I’m back … late of course, but my connection has been quite tumultuous all day. Cut me some slack already!
I have lots to report as my week has been a busy one.
On the movie front, I had the pleasure of enjoying “August Rush” and “The Other Boleyn Girl”. Talk about great storylines. Two great movies befitting of the rather crappy, dreary, cold rainy weather we’ve been having.
First things first: August Rush
The film was both refreshing and uplifting. I must say I was moved to tears. Now, yes I’m quite the emotional and grant it I was, at the time, putting a dent in a bottle of pinot noir; however, there was something about the story line that I identified with in my own life; and that is the power of music. Music, in all its glory, is capable of healing; and I have been healed folks. As some of you have read in a past post, the brilliant music of a certain artist noticeably impacted my life. I actually had the pleasure of enjoying a “healing session” this past thursday at Massey Hall (but more about that later!)
I do not want to reveal too much of the plot for those of you that have not yet had the opportunity to see it, but I will say that its simply about an orphan with an exceptional gift whose life, through belief and music, is restored. Keep some kleenex nearby because you’re a stone if it doesn’t bring you to shed at least a tear!
Next: The Other Boleyn Girl
All I can say is wtf? Okay historical inaccuracy aside, this storyline was twisted, but equally captivating. The story that takes place in Tudor England in the 16th century. It is a tale of two sisters whom, pressured by family (in the name of greed and political advancement), vie for the opportunity to grant King Henry VIII a son. Albeit common sounding, the plot is quite lusty and incestuous; and deliciously enjoyable in a very bizarre way.
This week I will be revisiting an oldy: “The Big Lebowski”…. stay tuned on that
And now for my favourite day:
Thursday of this past week, I enjoyed an evening of indulgence … a night that touched the senses if you will. I, from the fifth row centre, took in the ever so sexy and brilliant MG at Massey Hall. The show was out right incredible and I actually struggle to find words to describe the experience. This night touched my soul in a way that even I cannot comprehend. His musical wizardry accompanied my Alize and “other” buzz quite nicely. I also was able to meet the infamous and ultra cool Raymi whose blog I am completely addicted to. So altogether, thursday night was a force to be reckoned with!
Friday, I was a complete and utter write off. Devastatingly tired and hung!
Saturday I brought little miss C to the Ontario Science Centre and while what seemed as a good idea turned out to be a grave disappointment. It was the first time I had been there since I was eight and I, for some reason, remembered it being so much more interesting and enjoyable back then. We walked two floors of nothing (which totally set my mood for the day), one floor of pure boring germ kid craziness and another floor of semi-cool things that clearly did not interest my now-ancy one and a half year old. Perhaps, I’ll take another stab at it in seven years and hope that some much needed funding will restore its “cool factor.”
And this brings us to Sunday…. lazy, lazy and more lazy followed by complete frustration over my terrible and pretty much non existent internet connection.
Phew. That was a mouthful.
