Its only up from here …

I’m back.

I’m a terrible blogger for having neglected you for this long, but sometimes its too difficult to deal with the day to day when you’re in a world of hurt.

Excuse the french but alot of shit has gone down in my life recently and blogging about it was just not something I was prepared to do.

But I can say that this downward spiral has taken a sudden shift … and what better way to mark this beginning but with a perfect ending to my summer.

This past Saturday I had the sheer pleasure of frolicking in the Jackson Triggs Vineyard, with pinot noir in hand (at all times throughout the day and night), love in my ear and a grin that you still can’t wipe from my face.

Here are some pics of what your friend has been up to …

Tina, the owner of this little sweet spot, was just a peach!

 

Anitpasto Pairing

 

X marks the spot

 

le chef

 

rekindled friendships

sound check

Where the day gets better

There is a final shot to this which marks the perfect ending however I’ll save it for another day when I need some “heart-lifting”

So friends ….

thanks for waiting for me to get back here! 

I hope you continue to stick around

The Truest Blue …

I’m posting today not because I feel like it because truthfully I dont but I’m hoping it will help.

I tried to test drive the “look on the brighter side” mantra and it didn’t work for me.  I think this is more than a funk but rather the onset of another episode of depression.  Yay for me.  I’m not sure as to how I get here and I obviously have no control of the matter, contrary to what some asswipes may believe.  As if I would choose to feel/be this way?!   I’m thinking I should make an appointment with my doc to check this shit out.  She tried to put me on something(welbutrin) the last time and I refused … lets see what she’s got up her sleeve this time.  There’s got to be some kind of test I can take? 

For now, I will continue on my not so merry way. 

Oh yes, the long weekend …

This weekend was a crazy mix of emotions.  It’s funny how I can be laughing and happy-like one minute and then a raging, horn popping, yelling freak the next … pre-mental perhaps? or something more scientific???

Friday night we went to Jack Astors for dinner then drank wine and watched three hours of Jackass.  I fell asleep at 2am only to wake up an hour later with the widest eyes you’ve ever seen.  I figured I’d read and so I did until 6:30am … healthy? wait there’s more good stuff where this came from. (oh, I was reading Albom’s “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” and was hoping for a little chicken soup for the soul … more about this in a later post)

Saturday morning I woke up (secured a much needed latte) and on a complete whim decided to pack up lil’ miss C and head to Marineland.  I dont remember ever having been as a child so I figured this would be something special to experience with her.  And so it was.  Her excitement at seeing the dolphins leap and twirl at ridiculous heights painted a perma-smile on her for the entire day.  It was contagious in the most beautiful way. 

And straight from the depression report … admission was $40 which if not for my daughter’s reaction would have been a huge flippin rip off, the killer whale show lasted for all of five minutes, not to mention, the huge downer to see these massive mammals swimming in what seemed to be a too-little-for-their-massiveness-like tank, Oh and we got caught in a torrential storm for twenty minutes.  We then headed to Clifton Hills for some authentic wood burning oven pizza with our last stop being the Hershey Factory.  (Note to self: limitless amounts of chocolate + pre-mental = NOT A GOOD IDEA)  I had to fight the sugar crazies the whole way home.

Sunday was lax.  Lil’ Miss C kicked around at our local splash pad for an hour, we had lunch, headed to Ikea (I’m looking for a table for my sewing machine …. one potential contender found) then it was laundry and a whole bunch of housework.

Monday I went to visit a relative that is extremely ill.  Nothing could prepare me for the moment that I had dreaded for weeks now.  Seeing him took my breath away in a way that sucked life from me.  He no longer resembles the man that I once knew … the jolly, loving-life, jokester that exuded spark.  The only way I can explain it is its as if someone shut the light.  My heart breaks every time I think of him.  I’m praying for a miracle, that somehow he can find the spark again to fight the odds.  I dont want this image of him to be engraved in my mind, I want to remember how he was and I only hope that he will someday be again.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of “stuff” lately.  As much as I’d like to think of myself as this tough chick, the truth is I’m a hugely emotional softy.  I’m fighting my way back but it seems lately that I’m just sliding further down the rope.

One day at a time … that is about all I can take right now.

Here is some brightside:

There is nothing a little mint chocolate chip can't fix!

 

Or some unconditional "ernie-love"

I’m screaming sad …

Mad jam whilst listening to MG

Depression chaser

Everyone loves …

"I am de trainer of de dolphin"

 

Can you guess which is wax?

 

 A real Italian knows her pizza!

the infamous Antica Pizzeria

 

the pearly gates

Chocoholics beware!!!  temptation ahead

pre-mental survival kit must have!

 And voila!

Its 1:56am … so wierd

mornin’

To The First Man I Have Ever Loved

My weekend has been by far a hectic one.

Friday I headed to Port Credit Memorial Park for the Mississauga Waterfront Festival to see my one and only MG.  Unfortunately due to a lightning storm (which I was lucky enough to be stuck in … oddly beautiful sight by the way), the concert was cancelled.  The venue was beautiful.  Being by the water beneath starlight hearing the very music that heals me was something I was looking forward to; however, I have another chance to experience this warmth at the end of August as I will be attending another MG show at the Jackson Triggs Estate Winery.  (oh and enjoying an infamous Jamie Kennedy dinner!)

Saturday I hosted a bbq lunch for RS’s birthday/Father’s Day.  The day’s fare included typical grill .. burgers (veggie and meat) and dogs along with salad, rice balls and potato wedges.  Plenty of beer and mixed vodka drinks were equally enjoyed.  The day was topped off with iced espresso granita and my signature mocha almond fudge ice cream cake.  Good times were had all around.  Later on in the evening, I kicked it with some old friends in whopville for DM’s 30th birthday.

Sunday morning I woke up with the sun at 6am (after turning in at 3am).  As exhausted as I was, I successfully made it to the bakery in time to secure THE warmest and freshest egg bread to make my stuffed french toast which was the “feature” item for my father’s day breakfast.  The menu read as follows: nutella and banana stuffed french toast, scrambled eggs and bacon, fresh strawberries, freshly squeezed juice (orange, pinapple and passion fruit) along with cafe latte.  All around goodness! Then it was off to Kleinburg Golf Club for a game of golf.  The day was smoldering but relaxing.  In the evening, with lil’ miss C in tow, I headed to LC’s 30th birthday pool party (but I didn’t last very long here…. sleep was calling me bad).

Needless to say, I’m cooked.  I have gone non stop all weekend long and today I did nothing but wallow the entire day.  Too tired and too stuffed to workout.  Tomorrow will be a new day altogether.  I will be back to the grind and off to the track.  I will be embarking on a new journey to find inner peace and happiness in my life.  Things have been topsy turvy for me lately and now I am ready to take the bull by the horns.  I will start on a “clean eating” regiment, a daily dose of exercise/yoga/pilates, meditation, reading, writing, baking and photography… and being the best darn mom eva!!!

For the real inspiration of this post … my daddy.

The first man to have had my heart.

No one has ever loved me or supported me like my dad.  He is the reason that I am the woman I am today.

He has taught me to love wholly and be honest with both myself and others.  He has taught me to respect equally and be true to my character.  Above all, he has taught me what it means to sacrifice for the ones you love and how family comes first.

Dad, today is father’s day, but know that I honour you in my heart every minute I breathe.  Thank you for loving me like no other.  You have always made me feel like the most important person in your world and I love you from the very depths of my heart.  I will always be your biggest fan.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy.  I love You.

Week Wrap Up

Okay, I’m back … late of course, but my connection has been quite tumultuous all day.  Cut me some slack already!

I have lots to report as my week has been a busy one.

On the movie front, I had the pleasure of enjoying “August Rush” and “The Other Boleyn Girl”.  Talk about great storylines.  Two great movies befitting of the rather crappy, dreary, cold rainy weather we’ve been having. 

First things first: August Rush

The film was both refreshing and uplifting.  I must say I was moved to tears.  Now, yes I’m quite the emotional and grant it I was, at the time, putting a dent in a bottle of pinot noir; however, there was something about the story line that I identified with in my own life; and that is the power of music.  Music, in all its glory, is capable of healing; and I have been healed folks.  As some of you have read in a past post, the brilliant music of a certain artist noticeably impacted my life.  I actually had the pleasure of enjoying a “healing session” this past thursday at Massey Hall (but more about that later!)

I do not want to reveal too much of the plot for those of you that have not yet had the opportunity to see it, but I will say that its simply about an orphan with an exceptional gift whose life, through belief and music, is restored.  Keep some kleenex nearby because you’re a stone if it doesn’t bring you to shed at least a tear! 

Next: The Other Boleyn Girl

All I can say is wtf? Okay historical inaccuracy aside, this storyline was twisted, but equally captivating.  The story that takes place in Tudor England in the 16th century.  It is a tale of two sisters whom, pressured by family (in the name of greed and political advancement), vie for the opportunity to grant King Henry VIII a son.  Albeit common sounding, the plot is quite lusty and incestuous; and deliciously enjoyable in a very bizarre way. 

This week I will be revisiting an oldy: “The Big Lebowski”…. stay tuned on that

And now for my favourite day:

Thursday of this past week, I enjoyed an evening of indulgence … a night that touched the senses if you will.  I, from the fifth row centre, took in the ever so sexy and brilliant MG at Massey Hall.  The show was out right incredible and I actually struggle to find words to describe the experience. This night touched my soul in a way that even I cannot comprehend.  His musical wizardry accompanied my Alize and “other” buzz quite nicely.  I also was able to meet the infamous and ultra cool Raymi whose blog I am completely addicted to.  So altogether, thursday night was a force to be reckoned with!

Friday, I was a complete and utter write off.  Devastatingly tired and hung!

Saturday I brought little miss C to the Ontario Science Centre and while what seemed as a good idea turned out to be a grave disappointment.  It was the first time I had been there since I was eight and I, for some reason, remembered it being so much more interesting and enjoyable back then.  We walked two floors of nothing (which totally set my mood for the day), one floor of pure boring germ kid craziness and another floor of semi-cool things that clearly did not interest my now-ancy one and a half year old.  Perhaps, I’ll take another stab at it in seven years and hope that some much needed funding will restore its “cool factor.”

And this brings us to Sunday….  lazy, lazy and more lazy followed by complete frustration over my terrible and pretty much non existent internet connection.

Phew. That was a mouthful.