Gosh, I hate to start this post on a negative note but well, “as life goes”…
I was doing alright there for a while, but I’ve hit a bit of a road block again and after some serious coffee and cigarettes I’ve arrived to the conclusion that I must go back to basics and get back to the things that excited me. You see, I have this terrible tendency to over complicate my life thereby adding to an existing pile of pressure that I put on myself. I need to go grassroots here and start to de-clutter … you know, simplify my life.
There was a time in my life where little things excited me, and the most random things inspired me. I was doing what I loved to do and it was that passion that helped me whiz through day to day conundrums. Getting to that place was difficult. I should mention that this place I speak of is the time that I was an active member of the fashion industry. Anyway, the road was long and tough as I left one of Canada’s prestigious business programs (where I was granted full scholarship) in order to chase a deeper routed desire to be somewhere that I could express myself more artistically. It came as a huge shock to my family of course and it didn’t help the situation any when I came home that day with a new tongue accessory. My parents’ immediate reaction was that I was mixed up in drugs or part of a cult … yes quite extreme I know, but to their defense it was uncharacteristic of me or so they thought; but the artist in me was fighting to come through. I could no longer pretend that a job behind a desk was right for me. I do often think about what would have become of me had I stayed the course, completed the program and taken the offer for a very lucrative position upon graduation, but something in my heart knew that I would feel empty, not challenged and “out of place.”
My time at the International Academy of Design was an interesting one. It was a very intense program where I soon learned to function on adrenalin, cigarettes, coffee and very little sleep, but it was there that I was happy. Every day served as a creative outlet and it was an exciting time because every day was different; each day presented new challenges for me and I excelled. My final collection was received incredibly well and in the words of my mentors, “I showed promise.” Upon completion of the program, I had several design and illustration stints, until I landed a production assistant position for a New York bridal couturier. That job was everything I hoped it would be; pressure, deadlines and frequent trips to New York. I even landed a styling gig for a Martha Stewart photoshoot. Albeit a great time, I soon found myself questioning my purpose in life (you will see here that I do this often … its like I check-in with my head) and so I steered off my path.
Now my life since then has been nothing short of great because in that time I purchased my own home and was blessed with the gift of bringing into this world the most amazing spunky little girl that I’ve ever met and proudly call daughter. Now the title of Mom brings to life the most amazing of challenges, but I’ve settled into this role quite nicely. Hence, now that I have grounded myself I find that those same questions of where I should be come to mind.
So here I am full circle, back to where I was and I feel like the only answer for me now is to strip bare. I need to start from scratch and create an environment for myself that will be conducive to this change and facilitate this found-again need for creativity. The only logical first step here is to work from the inside out. I need to start being a little more optimistic. I need to weed out negative people and negative thoughts and I need to believe in good again. I need to stop letting people get the better of me and start believing that I’m worth it and all of it.
Wow… that was pretty heavy.
And now for some fluff ……
My week has been busy. I’ve been crazily running errands and making appointments that have been neglected for so long. But it wasn’t all work, I managed to squeeze in some great dinners, movies, reading, baking, shopping and a very white wedding. There arent too many pics to share as I was moving at a speed this week that was inhuman and I’m paying for the price of it today!
Pre-hair cut/colour. I tried Civello on Queen for the first time and was underwhelmed. The only plus was that I got turned on to the Aveda product line …… dudes and dudettes, I’m going grassroots for real!
Post hair-apy!
Took in Vicky Christina Barcelona with some friends. Here we enjoyed a theatre all to ourselves … literally! I don’t know why … the movie was charming and very telling; more about that in another post.
I wasnt kidding
”Slim” close, yet so far …
Rehearsal night photo opp…
and it all gets interesting from here pre-wedding style!
Happy Monday …
