Dear Ernie…

 

Today is a special day as it marks the birth of my best buddy, Ernie.

Today he is six. 

I cannot believe how quickly time has passed.  For those of you that are not dog lovers, this will all come strange, but I do know that there are quite a few out there that share my love for the world’s greatest companions. 

Each year I make the trip out to Three Dog Bakery in the Beaches to purchase Ernie’s peanut-butter and carob birthday cake special.  Of course, we never leave with cake alone.  There we purchase everything from toss toys, poshy food bowls to homemade gourmet whole grain bisquits and tarts.  This place is all kinds of wonderful. The staff is super friendly and of course, Ernie and his fellow four-legged friends are welcome to roam.  Unfortunately, due to timing constraints, I didn’t make it there in time for Ernie’s birthday so that will be an excursion left to take place this weekend.  Instead tonight Ernie was given some extra treats and a hell of alot of lovin, and he made it very known that that was more than enough.

I cannot begin to explain to you my affection for this little guy.  He has offered me a friendship better than most.  He understands me like no one I know.  In times that I am upset or ill, he is quick to take his spot on my lap to let me know that he is there.  When I get home from a tiring day, he is the first to greet me … his tongue out ready for some kissin’ and his tail wagging with an unbelievable intensity.  His love is a perfect kind of love … its unconditional.  Yes, he’s hairier than most humans and has four legs, but in my eyes, he is no different.  I would go to the ends of the Earth to ensure his safety, health and happiness.

So to you, Happy Birthday Erniemeister … thank you for six wonderful years of friendship.

Love ya little buddy

xo

The Truest Blue …

I’m posting today not because I feel like it because truthfully I dont but I’m hoping it will help.

I tried to test drive the “look on the brighter side” mantra and it didn’t work for me.  I think this is more than a funk but rather the onset of another episode of depression.  Yay for me.  I’m not sure as to how I get here and I obviously have no control of the matter, contrary to what some asswipes may believe.  As if I would choose to feel/be this way?!   I’m thinking I should make an appointment with my doc to check this shit out.  She tried to put me on something(welbutrin) the last time and I refused … lets see what she’s got up her sleeve this time.  There’s got to be some kind of test I can take? 

For now, I will continue on my not so merry way. 

Oh yes, the long weekend …

This weekend was a crazy mix of emotions.  It’s funny how I can be laughing and happy-like one minute and then a raging, horn popping, yelling freak the next … pre-mental perhaps? or something more scientific???

Friday night we went to Jack Astors for dinner then drank wine and watched three hours of Jackass.  I fell asleep at 2am only to wake up an hour later with the widest eyes you’ve ever seen.  I figured I’d read and so I did until 6:30am … healthy? wait there’s more good stuff where this came from. (oh, I was reading Albom’s “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” and was hoping for a little chicken soup for the soul … more about this in a later post)

Saturday morning I woke up (secured a much needed latte) and on a complete whim decided to pack up lil’ miss C and head to Marineland.  I dont remember ever having been as a child so I figured this would be something special to experience with her.  And so it was.  Her excitement at seeing the dolphins leap and twirl at ridiculous heights painted a perma-smile on her for the entire day.  It was contagious in the most beautiful way. 

And straight from the depression report … admission was $40 which if not for my daughter’s reaction would have been a huge flippin rip off, the killer whale show lasted for all of five minutes, not to mention, the huge downer to see these massive mammals swimming in what seemed to be a too-little-for-their-massiveness-like tank, Oh and we got caught in a torrential storm for twenty minutes.  We then headed to Clifton Hills for some authentic wood burning oven pizza with our last stop being the Hershey Factory.  (Note to self: limitless amounts of chocolate + pre-mental = NOT A GOOD IDEA)  I had to fight the sugar crazies the whole way home.

Sunday was lax.  Lil’ Miss C kicked around at our local splash pad for an hour, we had lunch, headed to Ikea (I’m looking for a table for my sewing machine …. one potential contender found) then it was laundry and a whole bunch of housework.

Monday I went to visit a relative that is extremely ill.  Nothing could prepare me for the moment that I had dreaded for weeks now.  Seeing him took my breath away in a way that sucked life from me.  He no longer resembles the man that I once knew … the jolly, loving-life, jokester that exuded spark.  The only way I can explain it is its as if someone shut the light.  My heart breaks every time I think of him.  I’m praying for a miracle, that somehow he can find the spark again to fight the odds.  I dont want this image of him to be engraved in my mind, I want to remember how he was and I only hope that he will someday be again.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of “stuff” lately.  As much as I’d like to think of myself as this tough chick, the truth is I’m a hugely emotional softy.  I’m fighting my way back but it seems lately that I’m just sliding further down the rope.

One day at a time … that is about all I can take right now.

Here is some brightside:

There is nothing a little mint chocolate chip can't fix!

 

Or some unconditional "ernie-love"

I’m screaming sad …

Mad jam whilst listening to MG

Depression chaser

Everyone loves …

"I am de trainer of de dolphin"

 

Can you guess which is wax?

 

 A real Italian knows her pizza!

the infamous Antica Pizzeria

 

the pearly gates

Chocoholics beware!!!  temptation ahead

pre-mental survival kit must have!

 And voila!

Its 1:56am … so wierd

mornin’