The Truest Blue …

I’m posting today not because I feel like it because truthfully I dont but I’m hoping it will help.

I tried to test drive the “look on the brighter side” mantra and it didn’t work for me.  I think this is more than a funk but rather the onset of another episode of depression.  Yay for me.  I’m not sure as to how I get here and I obviously have no control of the matter, contrary to what some asswipes may believe.  As if I would choose to feel/be this way?!   I’m thinking I should make an appointment with my doc to check this shit out.  She tried to put me on something(welbutrin) the last time and I refused … lets see what she’s got up her sleeve this time.  There’s got to be some kind of test I can take? 

For now, I will continue on my not so merry way. 

Oh yes, the long weekend …

This weekend was a crazy mix of emotions.  It’s funny how I can be laughing and happy-like one minute and then a raging, horn popping, yelling freak the next … pre-mental perhaps? or something more scientific???

Friday night we went to Jack Astors for dinner then drank wine and watched three hours of Jackass.  I fell asleep at 2am only to wake up an hour later with the widest eyes you’ve ever seen.  I figured I’d read and so I did until 6:30am … healthy? wait there’s more good stuff where this came from. (oh, I was reading Albom’s “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” and was hoping for a little chicken soup for the soul … more about this in a later post)

Saturday morning I woke up (secured a much needed latte) and on a complete whim decided to pack up lil’ miss C and head to Marineland.  I dont remember ever having been as a child so I figured this would be something special to experience with her.  And so it was.  Her excitement at seeing the dolphins leap and twirl at ridiculous heights painted a perma-smile on her for the entire day.  It was contagious in the most beautiful way. 

And straight from the depression report … admission was $40 which if not for my daughter’s reaction would have been a huge flippin rip off, the killer whale show lasted for all of five minutes, not to mention, the huge downer to see these massive mammals swimming in what seemed to be a too-little-for-their-massiveness-like tank, Oh and we got caught in a torrential storm for twenty minutes.  We then headed to Clifton Hills for some authentic wood burning oven pizza with our last stop being the Hershey Factory.  (Note to self: limitless amounts of chocolate + pre-mental = NOT A GOOD IDEA)  I had to fight the sugar crazies the whole way home.

Sunday was lax.  Lil’ Miss C kicked around at our local splash pad for an hour, we had lunch, headed to Ikea (I’m looking for a table for my sewing machine …. one potential contender found) then it was laundry and a whole bunch of housework.

Monday I went to visit a relative that is extremely ill.  Nothing could prepare me for the moment that I had dreaded for weeks now.  Seeing him took my breath away in a way that sucked life from me.  He no longer resembles the man that I once knew … the jolly, loving-life, jokester that exuded spark.  The only way I can explain it is its as if someone shut the light.  My heart breaks every time I think of him.  I’m praying for a miracle, that somehow he can find the spark again to fight the odds.  I dont want this image of him to be engraved in my mind, I want to remember how he was and I only hope that he will someday be again.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of “stuff” lately.  As much as I’d like to think of myself as this tough chick, the truth is I’m a hugely emotional softy.  I’m fighting my way back but it seems lately that I’m just sliding further down the rope.

One day at a time … that is about all I can take right now.

Here is some brightside:

There is nothing a little mint chocolate chip can't fix!

 

Or some unconditional "ernie-love"

I’m screaming sad …

Mad jam whilst listening to MG

Depression chaser

Everyone loves …

"I am de trainer of de dolphin"

 

Can you guess which is wax?

 

 A real Italian knows her pizza!

the infamous Antica Pizzeria

 

the pearly gates

Chocoholics beware!!!  temptation ahead

pre-mental survival kit must have!

 And voila!

Its 1:56am … so wierd

mornin’

All kinds of yumminess …

Okay, its Sunday night and I have just finished dipping and decorating what seemed like at least 250 truffles! 

I decided to experiment this weekend and I successfully came up with decadent red velvet chocolate truffles.  They looked and smelled ridiculously amazing, but here’s the kicker … my naturopath suspects that I may have a wheat/gluten allergy (yay for me) which equalled NO CHOCOLATE.  I am very annoyed ….. blargghhh

This weekend was another busy one.  Friday night my friends and I hit up Tatoo Rock Parlour  (and yes you CAN get drunk and inked all at the same time!) and it turned out to be a pretty decent night.  I both overdrank and overdanced … and of course, I paid for it on Saturday.  Oh and the humidity on friday night was ridiculous and nasty.  Spending the night in the shower seemed like a golden idea!

Saturday woke up pretty early (considering the previous night’s antics) and with lil’ miss C in tow, we spent the day in Yorkville.  We enjoyed lunch on the patio at Dimmi’s and spent the afteroon wandering through William Sonoma and Pusateri’s.  I came out with a loot of great finds which included a candy thermometer, an oven thermometer (because i’m convinced my oven is out to get me), some really neat cookie cutters and chocolate covered sunflower seeds in the most brilliant of colours.  I also forgot to mention that somewhere in between there, a refreshing probiotic frozen yogurt was acquired; also of which I could not enjoy (possible allergy to wheat/gluten/dairy ….  nice…. thanks!)  To top it all off, Saturday’s humidex made it seem like Dante’s inferno.   SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER

Sunday included an early morning workout, a stroll through ikea (here I found some really sleek looking cannisters for my countertop) then home for lunch.  After lunch, it was back out to Vaughan Mills, our-sorry-excuse-for-a-mall-kind-of.  I snagged a very cute little lounging sweater (a hot pairing with short shorts and gladiators).  From here on was dinner, some playtime, bath and bed (for lil’ miss C).  This allowed me the opportunity for test-kitchen time.  I baked, rolled, dipped and decorated … and VOILA! that was my weekend.

I will add pics to this post once I have the opportunity to cool down FROM ANOTHER CHOKINGLY HUMID day and once I create little truffle trays to give to the neighbours (i’m the best neighbour one can ever have …. hahaha)

Oh I forgot … some other post-worthy news! I have decided on a company name and have recently purchased a domain.  Stay tuned for its debut in the coming weeks.

Goodnight.

I’m off to … well, take a guess …