Okay so I’m back and no I didn’t go up North as I was uninterested in being present at a party with my thoughts… afterall, thats what got me into a rut in the first place!
I instead opted for retail therapy in the city all weekend long.
Friday night I enjoyed a dinner with our “Grazie” cugini. Grazie, by the way, is an amazing little Italian resto at Yonge and Eglinton. Amazing not because they are family but because their food is “amaaazing.”
It was a splendid night of carbs and wine but well worth the calories. My ”cycle” thanked me later for the post dinner bloat.
Oh and one of MTV’s hostess’ dined next to us …. meh (not as sweet as she tries to look on camera)
After our fabulous carb dinner, off it was to see b-flick “Young People Fucking” with skinny latte in tow. The movie was darling, funny and oddly realistic at times. Great cast. The best friend duo were hilarious but the threesome was even more so (although the least realistic of the plots). Point here is that the movie was funny and I liked it.
Turned in on Friday at 3am … apparently i’m nocturnal
Saturday morning I woke with the birds at an alarming 6am. Did some reading, showered, had breakfast then off it was to Queen Street with LS and AK (and her dog carli). We shopped for SEVEN hours. It was magical. There is nothing more therapeutic than mindless (literally) shopping. I came out with a wicked loot of finds which included: cute hair accessories, a green belt, and a navy dress. Oh and we made an LCBO stop on the way home for some bottles of wine.
Got home, drank to drunk and fell asleep (again mindless). GREAT. Just what I needed.
Sunday morning it was back to the city for more shopping, but this time we headed to Yonge and Dundas. I came out with two pairs of very cute boots for the Fall and a precious 1920s cloche. I’m super stoked to put a nifty outfit together for a night in the town. I have many events coming up so hopefully I can post pics of what I can muster up!
Sunday night included more wine, reading and then lights out at 2am only to get a second wind an hour later…ughhh… so annoying
Today (Monday) I felt like shit all day. I’m lazy, bored and up to my eyes in self loathing. Lil’ miss C and I spent the day with my folks and it was nice and they were ecstatic to spend time with her but I felt like although I was present physically, mentally I was somewhere else altogether. I am struck with these feelings again of not knowing who I really am at the core. I know what I value, but I am unsure as to what I really want out of life. I know I want to be happy but I dont know what will make me happy or how to get there for that matter. I feel like I need change but I am lacking the will and motivation to bring these changes to fruition. Some days I feel like I want to be married, other days I want to be single, some days I want to be a painter, other days I want to be a baker or a fashion designer. I just wish I had direction.
I think what I really feel is lost and there are not enough cute items in this world to purchase that are going to help me get to the root. They may bandaid the issue for a short moment, but at the end of the day when I put my head on my pillow in the wee hours of the morning all I ever feel is LOST.
Maybe I need a cleanse? Maybe I just need to get away for a bit. I don’t know …
I’ve got to do something though and fast because I dont want to waste another minute of my life on this inner battle shit!
