Its just one big merry-go-round, minus the pretty horses

I’ve been birthday/party planning for one very special amazing little girl .. more about that later

For now, I’m exhausted.

I’m running strictly on caffeine in any form I can take it and it is no wonder that i’ve been a bundle of nerves.  That would most definitely explain that “shaky-feeling” huh?

I’ve been having anxiety attacks all week and just want some normalcy already.

My life feels like it is spinning out of control, yet again, and I don’t really now how to handle it anymore.  Frankly, I’m tried of trying.

Christmas is sneaking up on me and what once was a season that I looked forward to, is slowly becoming one big chore that is lurking ahead.  Normal Tina would already have christmas cards written and ready for stamping, recipes organized for baking, christmas shopping started, and house decorated all the while enjoying copious amounts of festive decorated latte cups (and hot chocolate of course).  In this moment however, I find myself exhausted and stressed, filled with anxiety and taking on more than I can chew in an attempt to feel normal (the latter has completely blown up in my face because I think I can take it all on, I work through it like a horse only to feel like a darn failure when I dont accomplish all that I set out to do .. it is quite a counter-productive exercise that I only realize now in hindsight). The copious amounts of caffeine though, I got that one down .. got’er good actually.

I’m trying to get my shit together and I really am hoping that I can get back to the gym and “come around.”  It seems that working out is the only thing that truly helps get my serotonin levels back up.  Plus it is my time to zone out … you know, clear my head to make room for some positivity. 

But for now, I’m busy, too busy actually… busy as I can possibly be.

In the next two weeks I will be crafting and decorating to recreate a “mad hatter tea party” for lil’ miss C which will include an astronomical amount of baking and cooking, invitation making, sign painting, flower-making, tea set searching …  you get the idea, yes?  Put into the mix, christmas shopping, minor house renos and some dinner hosting.  I’m exhausted even thinking about all of this.  “Little steps” is what I keep trying to tell myself but fuck it doesn’t work.

Anyhow, I have a shit load of pics to dump on ya’ll, so I will try to get around to it.

Hell I can’t save the world in a day, so for now, I will get back to tending to laundry and dusting while Kings of Leon tunes float in the air.

Dear Ernie…

 

Today is a special day as it marks the birth of my best buddy, Ernie.

Today he is six. 

I cannot believe how quickly time has passed.  For those of you that are not dog lovers, this will all come strange, but I do know that there are quite a few out there that share my love for the world’s greatest companions. 

Each year I make the trip out to Three Dog Bakery in the Beaches to purchase Ernie’s peanut-butter and carob birthday cake special.  Of course, we never leave with cake alone.  There we purchase everything from toss toys, poshy food bowls to homemade gourmet whole grain bisquits and tarts.  This place is all kinds of wonderful. The staff is super friendly and of course, Ernie and his fellow four-legged friends are welcome to roam.  Unfortunately, due to timing constraints, I didn’t make it there in time for Ernie’s birthday so that will be an excursion left to take place this weekend.  Instead tonight Ernie was given some extra treats and a hell of alot of lovin, and he made it very known that that was more than enough.

I cannot begin to explain to you my affection for this little guy.  He has offered me a friendship better than most.  He understands me like no one I know.  In times that I am upset or ill, he is quick to take his spot on my lap to let me know that he is there.  When I get home from a tiring day, he is the first to greet me … his tongue out ready for some kissin’ and his tail wagging with an unbelievable intensity.  His love is a perfect kind of love … its unconditional.  Yes, he’s hairier than most humans and has four legs, but in my eyes, he is no different.  I would go to the ends of the Earth to ensure his safety, health and happiness.

So to you, Happy Birthday Erniemeister … thank you for six wonderful years of friendship.

Love ya little buddy

xo