Shower head

There is something about “the shower” that is so magical

I was having “one of those days” a couple of days ago .. you know the ones that you just want to be submerged in water and just fall asleep.  Wait, that just really sounds dark and emo.  Let me clarify, I don’t want to kill myself, I just felt like I needed cleansing of the emotional kind.

It was eleven o clock at night, I was exhausted in every capacity so I decided to shower with the lights off.  The water was steaming hot; so much so that my glass shower turned into a foggy haven.  I closed my eyes and let the water run over me.  And so what started as an honest shower soon became the most erotically therapeutic session in a long time ….

I went there ….

The lights were off and the glass shower lit with the golden glow of a handful of candles

“Wicked Games” floated in the air

You sat there on that little purposeful ledge in my shower

The water was hot

The steam enclosed us

I tilted my head back and let the water cleanse me

Little tiny droplets travelled from my forehead down to my lips, slowly down my neck, over my collar bone, gently over my nipples, down to my navel, to my pubic bone, down my inner thighs, over my shins, down through my toes and into the drain

Each drop freed me emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually

You just sat there and watched …

I turned to look at you and you grinned

I sat on top of you and wrapped my legs around your body

I whispered in your ear … “what a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you”

You gently tugged my hair, to tilt my head and passionately kissed my neck

This sent me into an erotic rage

I swept my fingers down the side of your cheek, held your face in my hands and traced your wet lips with right thumb

I kissed you … barely … and gently bit your bottom lip

I felt you rise between me … 

I was going somewhere and you were coming for the ride

I kissed your neck as I slowly unsaddled you

I ran my finger down your chest, stopped at your belly button and I kneeled before you

I spread your legs gently and you tilted your head back with a groan

You knew the tide was coming

I kissed your inner thighs

as I caressed your sweet spot

that secret spot between the two

I wrapped my lips around you 

more intensely with each groan until you exploded to oblivion

Your heart was racing

I was wanting

You turned me around

so that my back faced you

and sat me on your lap

Your hands came around me from behind

And you spread me

You strummed me while you whispered dirties in my ear

and you sent me there ….

and just as I was about to….

cold beads of water started to drip over me

I opened my eyes 

There was no you

only a dark room

no steam

a cold glass box

I was out of hot water …. fuck!

 

Sigh … showers are so magical

“And so we are told this is the Golden Age…”

I know I have been away from here for awhile but it was for good reason.

I struggled to get into the spirit of things this year and went through all the motions hoping it would spark some kind of warm feeling but it just wasn’t there … well at least not at the beginning.  I spent many a nights baking, days meticulously wrapping gifts martha-stewart-esque, shopping fiendishly and blaring Christmas tunes on my laptop … but in the hustle and bustle of it all … something was missing … as obvious as a pink elephant in the room.

This past year has been quite tumultous for me.  I have toiled with feelings and thoughts that seemed so strange and uncharacteristic.  I have experienced many nights of anxiety, many months of depression and times of deepened sadness.  For a better part of 2008, I didn’t know who I was anymore.  I have been trying to deal with alot of changes in my environment and well, I just plain out could not “deal” for lack of a better word.  Christmas crept up quickly and left even quicker.  I felt like my tree was up and back in a box in a matter of 24hours.  

I did however, try to put on a brave face for lil’ miss C and it went off without a hitch like any good mother could.  Seeing her happiness and excitement for all things Christmas kind of made it all new for me (if that makes any sense) and it made bells go off inside me.  I am blessed with the most amazing little girl and nothing can ever dampen that … I realize that my love for her and my desire to give her a wonderful life filled with happiness should serve as my motivation to start looking at life a little differently.  And so my transformation began … It truly is amazing how much this little girl has changed my life and taught me life’s most important lessons.  At the end of the day, nothing else matters to me but her.  I want to feel better and be better because that is the type of mother and role model she deserves.  I’m thankful for this lesson.  I must say here that even in my worst of moments, she doesn’t really realize because I won’t let her see that side of me, but it is pretty critical that I get my life back in control before it gets to a point and she gets to an age that she starts to realize it.

Right in time for Christmas Day, I had a renewed and awakened sense of self.

Although, a terrible emptiness was present at the dinner table this year; we enjoyed a loving and warm family-infused holiday.  I realized I was with the people that mattered to me and that I mattered to; family and friends that never let me down, that encourage and support me, and that appreciate me for the person that I am.  I am eternally greatful for them.

Boxing week was spent in the company of good friends almost each night.  Movie marathons, wii face-offs, spontaneous lunches, casual dinners and the occassional glass of wine (or two … or many)! 

New Years Eve suddenly sprung and I found myself preparing a dinner for ten.  An ambundance of food,  friendship, music and good wine was exactly how we did it ..  like any good Italian would.  Midnight rolled around and we didn’t even feel it.  I raised my glass knowing in my head that this year would be different … better.  So yes, I chose to buy into the “new year, new beginnings” theory.  And although my choice of words sound pessimistic, I intend them in a way that explains my deliberate effort to make a good go at 2009.  In honor of this endeavour, I acted like the gazillion other new year’s resolutioners and bought an agenda ( a damn hot agenda too if that’s possible )  And so on the first day of the New Year, I filled its pages with promises, commitments, projects and the whole gamut of things one pens.  To be quite honest, somewhere inside of me, I got excited.  Excited that I was going to make a serious attempt at turning this ship around.

One week in, lets say, I had doubts.  But hell, not every day is going to be perfect.  I am in this predicament because I put too many expectations on myself and it only makes me feel worse when something doesn’t realize.  So I poured a glass of wine, turned on some music and collected my thoughts and I’m okay.  For the first time in a long time … i’m okay; so i’m not off to such a bad start afterall.

p.s. Merry belated Christmas to all of you.  I hope that this New Year brings you all sincere happiness, continued friendship, good health and prosperity.  I have met some wonderful and inspiring people via the world wide web … and that is pretty rad!

et pour toi … a glimpse,

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